Is Virtual Sex Cheating?

Being a technophobe, virtual sex has never been my thing. So you can imagine my surprise while at a sex tradeshow, there was a booth selling software for animating virtual characters into realistic sex positions.

I had no idea that virtual sex had become so popular. It led me to believe the stigma of online sex has shifted to being somewhat acceptable for the average person.

What is virtual sex you ask? It is when two or more people exchange digital information (including text messages, still pictures, video, audio, or some combination) with the intention of sexual arousal. Some would consider looking at pornography or playing a sexually explicit computer game to be a form of virtual sex.

Not knowing and curious, I took a small poll and asked people what they thought about virtual sex. It was a unanimous opinion: virtual sex was a form of cheating.

They also assumed there was something wrong or missing in a relationship in order for an individual to turn to sex on the internet. Or, if single, the individual was lonely and didn’t have the social skills to meet people in person.

Of course, these two stereotypes are true. However, it never occurred to any of them that internet sex could be a healthy sexual outlet for someone in a stable, happy relationship.

Perhaps it’s because we can only envision faceless predators that are eager and waiting to take advantage of us if we go into a chat room. Or feel the internet is so addictive that people can easily succumb to a world of non reality.

I couldn’t help but wonder why we automatically assume engaging in cyber sex equates to deviant behavior.

Cory Silverberg, Certified Sexuality Educator and co-owner of Come As You Are, has written and given lectures extensively on cyber sex.

Silverberg believes the stigma around cyber sex comes down to a lot of unknowns which makes it seem threatening. As well the internet is still a relatively new medium and people (like me) are playing catch up to the ever changing advances.

He points out there was once a big shame attached to online dating. That is until people discovered en masse what an effective tool the internet is to meet other singles.

“When it comes right down to it,” Silverberg says, “Virtual sex is real people who go on line and have no pretense or hidden agenda. They want to meet other people who have mutual sexual interests.”

Believe it or not, he goes on, there are many benefits to cyber sex. Not only is it safe sex, it’s an easy way for someone to discover a hidden desire and become less sexually inhibited. As well, if you think you might want to try out a sexual fantasy, it’s a safe way to see if it suits you.

I then asked Silverberg if engaging in virtual sex could be considered cheating. He answered with a firm “Maybe. It always comes down to the people involved.”

He encourages couples to discuss and come to agreement on a few things before they venture into the virtual sex realm. The first being: what does the term ‘having sex’ mean to you? Is it flirting, intercourse, oral sex, self pleasuring? Until you can figure this out, it’s almost impossible to go to step two.

Next a couple needs to set boundaries on what is acceptable behavior within their online relationships and personal relationship. Silverberg says, “Most couples never discuss what their boundaries are and therefore find these types of scenarios difficult to navigate when faced with it.”

I agree and believe it’s the secrecy of engaging in virtual sex that causes the majority of difficulty-if not devastation-to a relationship. I appreciate it’s difficult to bring up to your partner that you want to dabble in cyber sex, but it’s even more difficult to try and resolve an issue of mistrust.

Silverberg’s parting wisdom, “Internet sex is neither good nor bad. It’s potential.”

I suppose the biggest concern surrounding virtual sex is if a person falls victim to its lure and delves deeper and deeper into salacious online habits. While this does happen, I find that the majority of people have a good grasp of where ‘the acceptable sexual conduct line’ is and don’t cross it.

Perhaps one day, cyber sex might become as acceptable as fantasy or role play; another safe sex way to titillate the imagination. My guess is, however, it will be many years before it happens.

4 Tips For Getting The Most Out Of A Sex Dating Service

Getting as much as you can out of an online sex dating service will reap you some enjoyable rewards. Imagine yourself registering with an adult internet dating web site today, and then meeting someone for a one-night encounter by the weekend. Choosing the right dating service, and using that service properly will get you what you want.

1. Your sex online dating free trials

Every sex dating service will offer you a free trial to test them first. You can make the most of these trials by registering with more than one adult dating service. You can find out more about the services and yourself by joining more than one dating web site.

2. Experiment with your adult personal ads

Your profile is the first thing all the other singles will see first when they search for you on the dating service. Experimenting with your profile will help you find out what other singles are attracted to you for. You will be able to use a different photo on each sex dating service to see which one attracts more profile views.

Once you know which of your photos gets the most response from other singles you can work on your profile content. With an adult online dating web site you can be as open minded as you like. Other singles are looking for the most excitement they can find so the more you put into your profile the more you’ll get contacted.

3. See how many singles use the sex dating service in your area

Joining more than one sex online dating service will put you in touch with a lot more singles. You’ll also find out which service has the largest amount of singles in your city or state. All adult online dating services have millions of members so they might all have more than enough singles for you to contact.

4. Don’t upgrade your dating membership too soon

Take your time deciding which service will offer the best chance of meeting someone. Your trial periods can last as long as you need them to. The main purpose of upgrading is so you can start sending emails so there’s no point in upgrading your membership until then.

Upgrading at the wrong service too soon could cause you to miss out on some exciting times with other sex dating singles.

Have fun online

Adult sex dating services are all about having fun. A high percentage of the singles are just there for one night encounters, and not there for long term relationships.

There’s plenty of flirting in the chat rooms, so if you don’t take it too seriously you’ll enjoy yourself a lot more, and get a lot more out of your experience.

Playing Online Interactive Sex Games

Today’s technology is not only focusing on making our lives simple and achieving more but it also tried to make our life fun and exciting. Technology created advancement in gaming and attracted more people and players online especially with the introduction of the new features animation and graphics.

They come in different variation of online games such as card games or sexual twist. Such games can be played with a computer generated character or controlled setting with a theme or a very open-ended type game. Games are made for persons of various sexual orientations as to different races or religion and no matter what type of game there is fun to be had for adults using sex games.

There are different levels of interaction to online sex games available now and are being upgraded and in production. Such game will only require little input to the player and consist more of video-type. The virtual characters can be personalized and can select what they look like and wear, the types of activities they engage in, what they say or the situations they find themselves in. Online sex games are also being used to actual interaction with real persons versus playing to the computer. And it involves a typed of interaction or actual spoken and visual interaction using microphones and webcams. This is the new way to meeting and dating persons while attaining the benefits. Men will enjoy an instant sex as long as they wanted and women can take it slower as to how the men wish it to do and vice versa.

Other games will also allow you to access and update your own avatar online. Although online adult games in no way can replace other social mediums persons may use these interactions to build confidence or to compensate for temporary periods of loneliness. The characters of the online gaming will be able to project a stable environment in which gamers can feel safe, satisfied and in control.

Having to play online sex games does not mean that one is sex deprived or a sex freak., In many cases it is simply used to spice up or complement an active sex life. And sometimes these games are used as a facilitator for cybersex between couples who are in a long distance relationship. Also be used as a medium through which fantasies that they are too shy to enact in real life can be acted out through the internet.

Usually online sex games are made for adults to enjoy with each other and which are different from childish games. It aims for the participants to have fun in an adult way, responsible but exciting way.

What Is Cybersex and How Is It a Form of Sex Addiction

The most common definition of cybersex is a virtual sexual encounter between two or more people using the Internet. It can involve people viewing each other over a webcam or communicating via text based messages, instant messaging, webcam, voice, Skype, either in a chat room, on a message board, using a video service, through instant messaging or through an email system.

Some have expanded the term to include online pornography, but for us, the definition given above will be our frame of reference. Since the people involved are often miles or even continents apart, of course no actual sex occurs and what happens is technically considered masturbation.

There is nothing inherently wrong with cybersex itself, and can be a way for long-distance couples to connect on a more intimate level than previous technology would allow. But it rises to the level of sex addiction when a person is doing it compulsively, using it to suppress negative emotions and perhaps replace them with false feelings of intimacy and love. A healthy adult can cut back on online sexual behavior if it threatens relationships, causes them problems or takes over large portions of their life. A person suffering from an addiction may use the Internet to fill his or her needs and cannot reign in the behavior.

People, either with an addiction or without, exhibit all manner of sexual preferences and needs. A person with sex addiction seeking physical gratification may be content to masturbate to online pornography, and one seeking physical contact along with that gratification may go to prostitutes or visit a number of consensual partners.

In terms of the level of intimacy and social interaction required, cybersex is one step above masturbating to pornography and one below visiting a prostitute. Even within the behavior itself are a range of intimacy levels. A chat room that uses only text is the least intimate of a person’s online options. The sex addict knows there is a real person on the other keyboard interacting with them in real time, but they may not know each others’ names, physical appearance, gender or anything else except for what they write on a screen. A certain level of detachment is preserved, and there is room for fantasy still. A chat room or text message board is usually where a cybersex-based sex addiction will start.

In the chat room, pictures may be exchanged between the parties and can then segue into the use of voice chats, phone sex and or webcams. This does not mean the people involved have kept the same partners during the transition. Cybersex has the added lure of providing multiple sex partners with whom the addict can have casual, sexual encounters to fuel his fantasies.

A more problematic aspect of this particular addiction is the heightened level of intimacy it provides for an addict, something beyond traditional pornography viewing. With sex addiction, rational thought can be overridden by the desire to fill the need, which in these cases can be something beyond physical sex. Perhaps two people engage in behavior with each other more often than they do others. One or both may feel a bond forming, however this bond will be based on filling sexual needs and not involve other aspects of a healthy relationship. To a person with a sex addiction, this bond will feel real, and just as real feeling does, it will cause pain when it inevitably comes apart. This leaves the sex addict with more negative emotions which he will then suppress with yet more addictive behavior.

Other issues that can crop up with a cybersex-based sex addiction are the same ones that can be seen in anyone with any kind of sex addiction problem. Spending large portions of time, more than 10 hours per week online participating in sexual behavior, is a sign there could be a problem. The person putting off work or other activities in order to engage in online sex act is also an indicator. Of course a spouse or romantic partner may not see much of a difference between cybersex and real sex and consider it an infidelity.

Cybersex can expose a sex addict to more concerning problems as well. While it is important to remember not all sex addicts are sex offenders, the nature of it lends itself to those who are disposed to experimentation. An addict can pretend to be whoever he wants to be online or find someone pretending to be, or who actually is, a minor. A person in control of his or herself can avoid legal problems, but a person with sex addiction may not.